Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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