If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
