Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
