I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Text me some of your sweat
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
