Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
