How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
