he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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