I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
