well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
