he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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