i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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