Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
