When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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