I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
