Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
