If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
