well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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