last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize