you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
