think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
