when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
