The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
