We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize