we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
