I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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