highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
The beer is more important than you right now.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize