If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I need a burrito and a hug.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize