There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
