I'm drive I can fine osifer
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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