this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
