am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
