i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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