Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
