Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
