i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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