I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
