Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
