it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
