3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
