you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
ttyl tear gas
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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