I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
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