I feel like abortions should bother me more
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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