thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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