if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
