Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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