why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
