i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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