you turned your livingroom into a bong?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
