im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
