You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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