Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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