I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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