I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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