apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
