ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
