Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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