dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
