Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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