Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
