I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
