Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize