I murdered the dance floor call the cops
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
So much rum. So many feels.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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