Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
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